As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
