I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
