Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
