I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
