I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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