Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
