hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
