how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
