And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
