I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
