I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Actions speak louder than pants.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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