i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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