I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
