i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
