Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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