Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
