hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I will be naked everywhere
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
