Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Randomize
