We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize