so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Randomize
