I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
