are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
