I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
