he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
