your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
