Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
