You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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