Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
