singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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