i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
