In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
