laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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