The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
