Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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