its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
