I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
