my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
