I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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