i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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