so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
