We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
ttyl tear gas
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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