just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
