college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We are all done wearing pants today
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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