We won't sleep together?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
