I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
