You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
