This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize