Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
