Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wish I only lived at night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
