I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
