You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
