Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we made out on top of his cat.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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