I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
