Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize