so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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