let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
