when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
