Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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