Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize