Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize