He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
