He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
