Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she told me i tasted like america
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
