now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
