im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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