You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize