fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
